


Girls just want to have fun

by Mawgon



Series: Dwarves care for consent - Series [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dwarves Have Manners, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cunnilingus, Explicit Consent, Explicit Language, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Coital Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-30 16:11:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3943153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mawgon/pseuds/Mawgon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tess just wanted to have some fun at Summer Fair in Laketown. The kind of fun that involves a handsome man. The dwarf she saves from drowning in the lake is not exactly her type ... at first. But when she buys him a drink to make amends for the behaviour of other Laketown people, he insists on buying her a drink, too ... and after a couple of drinks, he starts to look quite handsome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme Prompt "Dwarves are all about consent". This time with Bofur. And sexytimes happening earlier.

Tess was a girl who knew how to have fun. She was there at every fair, dancing, drinking, and taking lovers.  
She knew that the men had unflattering nicknames for her, and the women talked behind her back, but she didn’t want a bigot for a husband, and always made sure to drink her herbal tea after each night spent with a man.

At Summer Fair, she was just walking through the alleys, looking for a nice spot to get some alone time with a handsome fellow she had yet to find, when she heared a strange noise. Something made her run to the source of it.  
When the noise was followed by laughter, she was already close enough to see what was going on: Someone was in the lake, where it lapped up to the stone of the streets, gasping for air whenever his head appeared, and a young man stood by and did nothing but laugh. 

Tess laid down flat on the street, and extended a hand for the drowning man. Everyone living near a lake ought to know what a drowning person looked like, which was not how people who had never seen it thought it would look like. 

She managed to get hold of the drowning man’s clothes, and pulled. He was heavy, but he was alert enough to grasp her arm eventually, and that made it easier to drag him ashore. 

When she had finished this task, the young man who had watched and laughed was gone. 

Tess took a good look at the man she had rescued. He was very short, but not a child, his beard made that very obvious. A dwarf, even though he looked more like a drowned rat at the moment. 

“You alright?”

He coughed up some water. “Aye. That lad found it funny to push me into the lake, I’m afraid.”

What? How drunk and stupid could someone be? All dwarves you saw in Laketown, for all she knew, where kin, or at least friends of the King of the Mountain, who had a reputation as warrior. Tess liked a drink as much as anyone, but she’d pass out under the table before she’d do anything as stupid as that. 

“Sorry to hear that. I’m Tess, by the way.”

“Bofur, at your service.” He scrambled to his legs and gave the cutest little bow. 

“Nice to meet you, Bofur. What about I buy you a drink? You look like you could need one.”

“That would be very generous of you.”

So they went to one of the stalls that had been set up for Summer Fair and Tess bought two mugs of beer, one for Bofur and one for herself. 

After that, he insisted to buy her one, too. 

She bought another one for him. 

Apparently, he was just a humble craftsman, but had been involved in Thorin’s quest to get the mountain back. “I love a good drink and a good story, and they said the beer was free. And I got some stories to tell, that’s for sure.”  
After a couple of beers, Bofur began to look quite handsome. Maybe it was because his hair started to dry, or his deep, melodious voice sounded so pleasant, or just because he had so interesting stories to tell. 

Tess was not one to dig too deep into such questions. She liked him, and he was not averse to her flirting and complimenting his beard, so she finally asked: “Your place or mine?”

“My place is a mine, yes.”

She laughed. “So, you want to show me your mine?”

“’Course.” He beamed.

They set off towards the mountain. It was a longer way than Tess had thought it would be, and she was tipsy enough that it made everything a bit more difficult. 

“Something to drink?” Bofur offered her a metal flask he had worn at his belt. 

“What’s that?”

“Dís’ special mushroom drink. Will put hair on your chest.”

She didn’t waste her breath by explaining that if that was true, she shouldn’t drink it. “Thanks.”  
She took a hearty gulp of it, and handed the flask back. The drink burnt in her throat. “That’s really good.”

With renewed strength, she strode uphill, but not soon after, the ruins of the old town became blurry before her eyes. “I think I should sit down for a while ...”

“Oh. Should’ve remembered you’re not a dwarf. I can carry you.” He offered his arms, and being carried sounded really, really good right now. 

“Yes ...” she said, and then she collapsed.


	2. Chapter 2

Of the time after that, Tess had no recollection when she woke up in an unfamiliar bed. She sat up and scanned her surroundings. This looked nothing like the rooms, or meadows, or back alleys she usually woke up in after such dalliances. 

Everything in the room was made of stone, even the bed. It was decorated with embroidered wall hangings which gave it a quite cosy atmosphere in spite of all the stone. Light came from windows far over her head, or possibly stones that glowed of their own accord. 

Was this Bofur’s room? It didn’t seem to fit his personality. In fact, it looked more like ...

“Good morning!”

Tess gave a jolt and banged her head on the stone ceiling of her bed. 

“Oh! Sorry!” Gerrun placed something on a stonetable and hurried over to the bed. “Is it very bad? I can get you some ice water.”

“That would be nice.”

While Gerrun was away, Tess tried to make sense of everything. Gerrun. Of course. She had married that dwarf last year. This must be her room. 

Careful, to not hit her head on the stone again, Tess crawled out of the bed that, as she now saw, was carved into the stone of the wall. 

She was wearing her clothes from yesterday, but someone had taken her shoes off. 

The tray Gerrun had brought in contained a cup of tea, some bread, butter and jam, as well as a boiled egg. 

Tess sipped on the tea. It was lukewarm, so at least she had been in no danger to burn her tongue. Unfortunately, it was not parsley tea. One would think that Gerrun, who had taught her about the usefulness of parsley, would have been more considerate. Well, it didn’t matter, tomorrow was still early enough. 

Shortly afterwards, Gerrun returned with a wet cloth, which she put on Tess’ poor, aching head. 

“Sorry. I should have thought about that. I never slept in that bed.”

“No?”

“My husband has a bed that’s big enough for both of us ...” Gerrun winked. 

Interesting. Gerrun had been very euphemistic and embarrassed when telling her about the parsley tea. Apparently, losing her virginity had changed her in that respect. 

“What happened last night?”, Tess asked casually. 

“Well, Bofur carried you to the main hall, confessed to Dís that he gave you her Mushroom Special, and begged her to take care of you. Which we did.”

“So you had to give me an antidote? What does she put into this stuff?”

“Mushrooms, but edible ones. It’s just very strong. I checked your breath and pulse, and sat with you some time, just to be sure.” Gerrun gestured towards a stone bench with a nice cushion on it. “Sit down, you must be hungry.”

She sat down, and started eating. “Where is Bofur?”

“Hiding in his room, I suppose. Dís can get very angry if someone doesn’t follow her rules, and one of her rules is that you don’t give her Mushroom Special to humans.”

“Because it’s too strong.” 

“Exactly.”

“Then how come I don’t have an headache?” Tess carefully touched the wet cloth on her head. “That I didn’t wake up with one, I mean.”

“That’s a secret. She somehow gets rid of the stuff that makes your head ache. I’ll go and tell Dís you are well.”

“And Bofur?”

“I’ll tell him that you are up after I told Dís. Maybe he’ll dare to leave his room, then.”


	3. Chapter 3

Just when Tess was finishing her breakfast, there was a knock at the door, which, surprisingly, was made of wood. “Come in.”

A dwarf walked in. He was quite handsome, with funny braids all over, and a funny hat. 

“Who are you?”

The horrified look on his face told her that had been the wrong question to ask. 

“Um. Bofur? You look quite different when you haven’t nearly drowned.”

“Aye.” He frowned. “So you remember that you rescued me. What else?”

“We talked, and drank some beer, and then we walked here, and you offered me a drink, and then I passed out.”

He sighed with relief. “Good. Dís would kill me if you had lost your memory.”

“Really?”

“Not sure. She might be merciful because you survived ... any way, I’m glad I won’t get to find out.”

“So, what happened after I passed out?”

“I carried you here, and confessed to Dís.” He shuffled his feet. “That one was very embarrassing.”

“So we didn’t have sex?”

“No, you remember everything that happened before you passed out, thank the Maker.”

“And after I passed out?” She had to know whether she needed the tea, after all. 

Now, he looked puzzled. “You were unconscious. Sleeping like a babe.” He stared at her, and slowly, his puzzled look melted into a smile. “You want to have sex? With me?”

“Yes ...? That’s what I came here for.”

“Oh. If I had known that, I wouldn’t have offered you that stuff.” He scratched his beard. “Though I suppose you were too drunk, anyways. Come over to my room? I have taken a bath in the meantime.” He winked. “Without my clothes, this time.” 

 

It felt strange to go with a man when she wasn’t at least a bit tipsy. But Bofur was nice, and there was something in the way he had winked at her that made her curious. She couldn’t pass up on this opportunity. 

“I guess you won’t let me have another sip of that drink?” Everything seemed so much easier when she was drunk, and just a drop of it ...

“What? No, Dís would have my beard for a bedside rug if I did that.” He grinned. “Besides, I myself have some interest in having you sober, too.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Do you?”

“I suppose so, aye.”

His quarters were much less luxurious than Gerrun’s, and the bed was clearly not suited for having sex, being the same, tiny thing, but the hearth rug looked nice. 

Bofur closed the door, taking care to fasten the bolts. 

“Noooow”, he said, rubbing his hands. “What you wanna do?”

“Have sex?” 

He laughed, a deep, throaty laugh. “Yeah. We’re talking about the details now.”

She stared at him. “I’m not a whore, you know?” There were rumours about unspeakable things the whores in the big cities would do for the right price, but she would have nothing of that.

“A what? Don’t remember what that word means, sorry. Something naughty, I suppose? Aye, we can just do the tame stuff.”

“Good.” Maybe she should be scared. If anyone else had talked about “tame stuff”, she would have been. But Bofur ... he just wasn’t scary in the slightest. 

“So, what gets you off? I am quite good with my fingers ...” He wiggled them as if to emphasize his words. 

Tess felt her face heat. She needed to be drunk for this! And she wasn’t even sure she knew what he was talking about! “Tell me what you would do”, she said slowly, stalling for time. 

“Ah, you like that?” He grinned. “I’d take off your clothes ... and mine ... and then I’d kiss your body .... mh ... starting with your hand, I think, then up your arm ...”

She stared at him in disbelief as he continued to describe how he would like to caress her breasts and trail his fingers down her belly ...

Her disbelief turned into arousal as he went on. 

And then she understood what he meant by being “good” with his fingers. 

“Do it”, she gasped. “What you were talking about. Now!”

“To hear is to obey”, he murmured in a husky voice, and did exactly what he had described. She sat down on the hearth rug to enable him to open her blouse. 

When she was naked, he began to undress himself. Much too slowly. His body shimmered in the firelight. Muscled, broad shoulders, just as she liked it ... but again and again she found his face the most enthralling. His smile and his eyes ... and when he licked his lips, she shuddered with arousal. 

His lips were soft on her skin, his beard scratched a bit, but she didn’t mind that. No man had ever touched her breasts like this, so reverently, circling the nipples with his calloused thumbs ... a soft moan escaped her throat. When he had described what he’d do, he had not mentioned that the roughness of his hands would be so ... pleasant. 

“Like that?”, he whispered. 

“Yeah. Now ... kiss me?”

When he finally showed her what, exactly, his nimble fingers were good for, she didn’t even think about anything much anymore. Again and again, waves of pleasure crashed through her body, until she collapsed on the rug.   
A pity that she wouldn’t be able to enjoy what was to come anymore, exhausted as she was. 

Bofur grinned at her and licked his fingers, one slow lick, and she realized how wet she was between her thighs. 

“Mhm. Nice”, he commented. “Something to drink?”

“Yes?”

He didn’t grab the flask that lay on the heap with his clothes. Instead, he took the pitcher on the bedside table, and poured a cup full of what must be water. 

“Here. Drinking enough is important.”

She gulped down the cool water. He was right, she had needed that. “What about ... you?” She gestured towards his still erect sex. 

“I was getting to that.” He stroked his own belly, from the navel downwards. “Want to watch?”

She must resemble a ripe strawberry by now. “Yes ...?”

He sank to his knees in front of her, without taking his hand away from his own body. 

Gods, this was depraved! She was sure it was very naughty, because it was exciting. More exciting, indeed, than anything she was sure men did every night, had a right to be. 

Her gaze was glued to his hand now. Like everything on him, his sex was short, but thick, and his touch on it was experienced ... slow, teasing strokes ...she suspected he was putting on a show for her, and her cheeks burnt like fire, but she couldn’t look away. 

When he came, her gaze flickered to his face. He moaned, shamelessly, and it was some time before his gaze focused again. 

“That was the tame stuff?” she gasped. 

“Well, yes?” He took a piece of cloth from the bedside drawer and cleaned himself with it. “Low danger. I have no diseases, of course, and I am willing to get that confirmed by a healer of your choice before I use my mouth on you ...”

There! He did it again! “Your ... mouth?”

“Why, yes.” He clacked his tongue. “You don’t like that?”

If she had not had such good self-control, her jaw might have dropped. “Um. Maybe another time.” She stared some more. “Have you had breakfast?”, she grasped for the only straw she saw. 

“Now that you mention it, no. Care to join me in raiding the kitchen?”

His boyish grin was irresistible, so she didn’t even mention she had had breakfast already.


	4. Chapter 4

It was not until after a second breakfast in the huge kitchen, most of which was out of use, that she was able to think properly again.   
“Can you show me to Gerrun’s room? I need to talk to her.”

Bofur nodded. “She’ll be with Dís, working on some embroidery or the other.”

He led her to a door, and knocked. 

“Yes?”

“Tess wants to talk to you” Bofur said in a rather quiet voice. 

The door was opened by Gerrun. “You don’t have to hide anymore, Dís is busy. Come in, Tess. Women only?”

Tess nodded. 

Bofur scurried off, and Gerrun closed the door behind him. “You are well, I hope?”

“Very well. It is just ... you know my reputation.” Gerrun had, in a way, always been her opposite, the woman who was looked down on for being too prudish. And yet, she had never joined in the gossip, but instead had taken Tess aside and told her what to do about unwanted pregnancies when people had first started to talk. 

“Yes ...?”

“Were you very surprised in your wedding night?” Maybe all dwarves were like this?

“A bit. Pleasantly.” Gerrun smiled fondly. 

“Well, it is alright for you to be surprised, you were an innocent virgin, but ... I thought I knew ...”

“Ah.” Gerrun grinned broadly. “I know what you mean. Did he show you instructive images, too?”

Tess frowned. “Images?” Gods, what had she gotten herself into?

“My bad, Fíli only got those because I couldn’t teach him.”

“Teach him?” She echoed. 

“Well ... you see, dwarf women are rare, and there are about three males competing for every one of them. The usual in-and-out thing just won’t do.” Gerrun winked. “Besides, dwarf women wouldn’t risk to get pregnant by the wrong male, so they have to get ... creative. The women usually know what they like, and teach the males how to pleasure them, but as I had no idea myself, Dís asked some of the married males to give Fíli some advice.” Tess chuckled. “Bofur is a bit older, so ... I take it he didn’t need to be taught?”

“So ... all dwarves are ... like this?” How calm Gerrun was about all of this!

“Gentle, respectful and eager to please? I think so. And maybe you should know ... Bofur is not like the men you usually take home with you.”

“That”, Tess replied drily “I already noticed.”

“No, I mean that ...” Gerrun sighed. “He doesn’t see you as, excuse me, some common strumpet. His heart might be involved in this. Maybe it is not, but you should take into consideration that it could."

 

When Tess wandered through the meadows to return to Laketown, she still felt as if her world had been turned upside down. 

According to Gerrun, no one in the mountain would look down on her, and indeed, all the dwarves she had met had treated her like ... like a visiting cousin, maybe. No whistles, no crude comments, no propositions. Just normal talk. 

They had all been very ... respectable, yes, which was strange, considering what they did in the bedroom ... she still couldn’t comprehend that they all would ... certainly not the young, fussy one, who had been knitting when she had seen him. 

She remembered what Gerrun had told her about male dwarves being taught such things. It was ... incomprehensible. There was nothing that came close enough to this to even compare it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Culture clash! Always nice, though I'm not sure Tess is appropriately shocked.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for ... dirty talk and implied sexual violence. In other words, Tess meets a man who lacks manners. Some violence ensues.

Tess returned to her work as barmaid in the evening. There was some talk about the previous night, all just out of her hearing range, or what the men thought was out of her hearing range.   
It annoyed her. So, she had bedded a dwarf. What about it? The rumours were disgusting. Filthy? Everyone would be filthy after weeks of travel without a proper bath! In their mountain home, the dwarves were cleaner than most men. Short? Well, yes, there was no denying it, she was taller than most of them, but they were dwarves, for Eru’s sake! Of course they were short!

When she left after a hard night of work, Tess was not in the mood for some quick dalliance in a back alley. 

Therefore, she was quite annoyed when a man grabbed her arm. 

“What do you want?” She half suspected it. 

“They say you are a greedy little slut. One who will even do it with dwarves. Is it true that they’re hung like horses?”

“No”, she snorted. 

“So they are actually rather tiny? That’s another rumour but you’re greedy for big things, aren’t you?”

“Piss off. I don’t want to talk to you.” She tried to get her arm free, but the man’s grip was like steel. 

“How cute, a little wildcat!”

It was not the first time this happened to her. Sometimes, she had given in. Now, she was neither in the mood for it, nor too shocked to fight. 

She thrust her head forward, and heard a satisfying crack as his nose broke. 

As the man released her arm, surprised by pain, she ran away and didn’t look back. When the fear subsided, she was seething with rage. 

How dare he ask such things?!

Oh yes, she could just imagine how delighted they all would be to hear that at least this one dwarf was rather on the short side, in all respects. She wouldn’t let that happen. It was none of their business.   
To talk about cute little Bofur with his funny hat in this way! As if he was some ... some freakish animal! 

 

The next night, Tess was fed up with the locals and their gossip, and the weary traveller who flirted with her was just right. She followed him to his room in the early morning, when her workday was over. 

He had been handsome and mysterious, but now, she found that he pawed at her breasts just like everyone else. Kneaded them as if he was milking a cow. Not really though – a cow would have kicked him for that.   
And, like everyone else, he was finished all too soon and went to sleep immediately afterwards. 

She had thought this normal. Thought she’d have to have a second man to be truly satisfied, and that would be too depraved to seriously consider it. 

Now, though, there were other options open to her. Maybe almost as depraved, but her reputation was ruined anyway, so what harm could it do?

 

After the long walk up the mountain, she felt a bit differently. What would the dwarves think? Last time might have been explained by her getting so drunk, and Bofur not knowing where else to carry her, but now ...

“Hello there!”

She jolted. She hadn’t noticed the small door, next to the big gates. There was a dwarf standing in front of it. 

“Haven`t I met you somewhere?”

Indeed, he was one of those she had met in the corridors. Very fat, and with impressive reddish hair. Gerrun had introduced them ... what was his name again ... similar to Bofur, but ...

“Tess, isn’t it? Nice to see you again.”

He held the door open for her. “I am on guard duty now, but maybe I’ll see you later”, he said cheerily. “

 

Confused, she stumbled inside, where she was immediately greeted by the young one she had seen knit before. He was now busy writing something, but immediately interrupted his work to introduce himself as Ori.   
And then hurried off to the kitchen to fetch her a cup of tea. 

Suddenly, she sat there, a cup of tea in front of her, listening to Ori talk about the mountain, and how some of the corridors were still inhabitated by spiders and cave-dwelling creatures, and that they’d have to be really creative in restoring the stonemasonry the dragon had destroyed. He mentioned iron screws or glue as some of the options. 

She nodded along, making the appropriate noises. It was all interesting, but she didn’t know anything about those things. 

“How was your day?”

That was a question she could answer. “Nothing special. It’s my day off, so I just got up and went here.”

“Oh. What do you work as?”

She didn’t get into the annoying details of her work, just mentioned the rude customers in passing. 

He reacted as she had before, nodding along and saying things like “That must be awful” and “I hope you have a nice day off.”


	6. Chapter 6

When Bofur appeared, Tess expected some awkwardness. But he just walked towards her as if he was quite used to this happening, and inquired whether she had liked the tea, and wanted some more. And maybe cookies?

The cookies were delicious, and the flow of conversation surprisingly smooth. Somewhen, after lots of talking, a door opened and Gerrun’s husband walked in, a baby in his arms. 

“Do any of you happen to know where Gerrun is?”, he asked. 

“I think she went out to gather herbs”, Ori replied. “Probably not too far away.”

Only then did Tess realize that Gerrun’s husband – she thought he was named Fíli – was wearing a tunic which, at the moment, was open and revealed a bit of hairy chest, mostly obscured by the baby’s head. 

 

When Fili had left, Tess struggled to keep her curiosity in check, and lost. “Um. Are male dwarves able to ... ?”

Bofur chuckled “No, sadly. That’s why he’s looking for Gerrun.”

“But ... why then ... ?” She gestured at her breast. 

“Calms the little one. Tells her someone is there and she’s going to get something to eat. Men don’t do that?”

“Men don’t ... care for babies at all. I mean ... men as in males.”

“Really?” Ori stared at her. “Why?! You mean, care for like in, take care of? Are they deemed too clumsy?”

Tess shrugged. “They have ... better things to do, I suppose?”

The dwarves stared at her. “Better things? Than a child?”

“Yes?”

After a time, Bofur nodded. “I think Gerrun said something about it being easier to have children for your kind ... but ... better things to do ...” He shook his head. “I don’t wanna insult you”, he added. “Just ... that seems kind of ... weird”

“I never really thought about it”, Tess admitted. “So, dwarves don’t get pregnant so easily?”

“There is that”, Bofur agreed. “It often takes a few years to conceive. And then there is the fact that pregnancy is so straining. No dwarf would let her husband father a second child if he neglected the first one.”

“Children are a gift from the Maker”, Ori threw in. “In a way. In a more worldly way, giving birth takes a toll on the mother.” 

Bofur nodded. “Aye. Not that it would matter to a dwarf, you just care for children. It is what you do. Their lovely smiles and tiny hands, and ...” He sighed dreamily. “Though I suppose this is not the case with men? How can they justify their carelessness? Maybe it was because Fíli fathered the child, but I seem to recall that Gerrun didn’t give birth quite as easily as a hen lays an egg. There was screaming.”

“Women sometimes do die in childbirth”, Tess agreed. 

The dwarves stared at her, horrified. 

“So ... that doesn’t happen with dwarves?”

“In the dark times, it did, sometimes. Nowadays, it can still happen, but we have excellent healers, so the risk is low. It is just ...” Bofur scratched his beard. “It is ... you know ... I thought it was different with your people, because, well, what you said about children ...”

“To be honest, I never really thought about it”, Tess replied helplessly. “It is just how things are. Um.” She needed to change the topic before this became even more embarrassing. “So, does the baby have a name already?”

Ori’s face lit up. “She’s called Runís. The first child, and already a girl!” He produced a basket with knitting needles and wool. “I’m knitting socks for her. Have ten pairs already.”

“At the moment, we’re not allowed to hold her”, Bofur explained. “But Gerrun promised we will be allowed to when she’s a little older. I am working on a toy she’ll be able to use when she’s ten or so.”

“What is it?”

“A mechanical ... I don’t know the name for it in the common tongue. I could just show it to you, though.” 

She thought she saw Ori smile knowingly when they left, but maybe she had just imagined that. 

 

“It is an animal”, Bofur explained as they walked. “The little ones love to play with animals, but real animals will get injured, so I thought it wiser to make one that won’t.”

He led her into a room that was somewhere in the vicinity of his bedroom if she remembered correctly. This one, though, really looked like a mine, carved out of rough stone. There was a workbench with some tools on it, and a ... thing.

“Doesn’t look like much, does it? But I have a drawing. Here.”

The drawing showed a creature that Tess had never seen before. It was something like a lizard, but not quite. And it was completely white. 

“They live in underground lakes and such. No wonder you have never seen one”, Bofur explained. “When it is ready, it will move like this ...”

He showed her some of the functions he intended to get, and explained how, though Tess didn’t understand much of that. 

“You do have nimble fingers.”

He turned to her and grinned. “Aye.”

“Um. Did you tell the others that we ... ?”

“Nah, I didn’t brag.” He smiled sheepishly. “I am very flattered, you know? But it would do no good to boast. Gloin and Bombur miss their wives, and the others ... well.”

“Do they ... suspect something?”

He shrugged. “No idea. Is that important?”

“They’re talking about you in Laketown.” She had not intended to tell him that. “The men. They saw us leave together and ...”

“Jealous, eh? Would rather have you’d chosen one of them?”

She hadn’t looked at it like that, but now that he mentioned it ... “I suppose.”

Bofur clacked his tongue. “Bad manners, that. Fíli mentioned something like that, though. Pay them no heed.”

“Fíli said ... what?”

“Oh, just that men have a hard time accepting the natural order of things. You know. That they cannot just decide they’re worthy of a woman. That is so, aye?”

“Um, yes, somewhat ...” He, she realized, had not decided to have sex with her. Rather, he had been surprised and happy when she told him ... she wasn’t used to this. Though maybe she could get used to it. “So, since they’re talking anyway ... would you want to do it again?”

“Aye.” He grinned broadly. “Whenever you want.”

“I should have something to drink beforehand, though.”

“Aye. More tea?”

“I was thinking of something more ... spirited.”

“Beer? Why that? It is not that ...” His voice had changed all of a sudden. “Do you need to be drunk to like me?”

“No!” Or maybe yes? She was not quite sure. “I just feel more relaxed when I’m a bit tipsy, is all.”

“But you need your wits about you, if you ... that is, if you intend to ...”

“Have sex?” He was adorable when he was so insecure. 

“Aye. And about being relaxed, I ought to make sure you are, without drinking. What can I do to make you comfortable?”

She blinked. He acted as if ... as if he were having her over for tea. Inquiring which kind of cookie she liked best. This was not how sex was supposed to work ... though, why not? 

“Maybe we could ... talk a bit more?”

 

Of course he was glad to oblige, and so she found herself seated on the hearth rug in his bedroom.   
Bofur sat down next to her, with crossed legs. 

“So ... dwarves usually don’t have drunk sex?”

“Drunk? Nah. Tipsy, maybe, though that’s a bit stupid.” He frowned. “I mean, you know, for males. Wouldn’t want to mess up, aye?”

“And for women?”

“Well, thing is, you’d obviously want to know whether the male is any good, aye? And that’s harder if you’re not quite sober.” 

“What do you mean by ‘any good’?” 

Bofur glanced at her, seemingly surprised. “Well, you know. Whether you want to come back for seconds.” He adjusted his hat. 

“Oh.” She felt her cheeks warm. It must be so obvious to him how much she had liked it. 

“If I may ask something?”

“Yes?”

“Those things are very different with men, aye? Would you explain?”

“What do you want to know?” She had never talked to someone about sex in that way. It felt strange. But comfortable. 

“Dunno. Lots of things. For example, you were surprised that I wanted to discuss details, last time. Why? Don’t men do that?”

“Not really.”

Bofur stared into the fireplace, where some untouched logs of wood waited for colder times. “How do they know what to do, then?”

“You did know what to do.” And very well, too. 

“Nah. I had some ideas, but I obviously didn’t know if you like them.” He frowned. “And me, I’m an experienced adult. What about the young lads?”

“They just, um, are told where to put it by the other young men?” She had never thought about that. 

“By the other lads? But how would they know? At some point, a lass has to tell them what she likes, aye? I suppose if she takes several lovers, the first one could teach the others, so that she doesn’t have to do all the work, but ...”

“No, it’s not like that.” The very thought made her blush! “It’s rather ... men only really do the thing where ... you know. Where the babies come from.”

“What?!” Bofur looked at her, apparently utterly puzzled. 

“You don’t know how babies are made?”

“’Course I do! But ... but ... I just ... was a bit ... you didn’t intend to have me father your children ... did you?”

“Me? No, I know how to avoid that.” Now she was equally puzzled. There was something strange about his expression though she wasn’t sure what. “You said something last time ... about using your mouth ... what does that mean?”

It took some time until Bofur answered. “Well, what it says. I’d use my tongue, too, of course.” He winked at her. “You never tried that?”

“No ...?”

“So, it is not that you don’t like it, you just never thought of it? Want to try?”

“Yes ... I would like to try that. But ...”

“Aye?”

“I would like to ... touch you, too.” Gods, she was almost blushing! She, of all people!

“Aye.” His voice was a bit deeper now. “I should like that. Tell me what you want to do.”

“I would ... sort of ... do what you did to yourself, last time?”

“Oh, aye.” He bit his lip. “That would be ... nice. Would you ... if it is no inconvenience to you, that is ... I like to be denied.”

“Denied?”

“Aye. When I’m almost there ... stop”, he explained in a hoarse whisper. “Or slow down ... no matter how much I beg for release ...”

“Oh.” This was utterly depraved. And she would like to do it. “Yes.” 

This time, she undressed him, while he undressed her, and there was a low bench on which she could sit, with outstretched legs, while he buried his head beneath her thighs. 

Soon, her hands clenched the stone of the bench under her. 

He looked up at her. “Good?”

Her “Yes” was almost a sigh. 

Tess needed all her selfcontrol to keep herself from pushing her hips towards him, or grasping his hair to pull him closer. 

“Enough”, she finally gasped. It was too much, just too much, and she had a suspicion she might fall if she allowed herself to have ... more.

“Like it?”, he asked, doubtful. His lips glistened wet, and his beard ... this was not his own saliva. 

“Yes. Just ... too much. I’m not used to this.”

He nodded. “That can be changed. But all in due time. What you wanna do now?”

“Touch you.”

He was smaller than her, just small enough to rest his head between her breasts while she stroked his body.   
And he allowed her to, at her leisure, humming contently instead of demanding that she hurry up. 

Slowly she let her hands slide downwards. Watching him had given her a good idea of what he liked, and his happy sighs told her that she wasn’t bad at it. 

When she thought he was close, she paused. “You like that?”

He moaned. “Please ...”

“Be patient.”

Oh yes, he did like that. It was quite obvious from the way he squirmed in her arms, not quite forceful enough to free himself. 

When she finally allowed him to come, he was completely shameless in his pleasure. 

And Tess suddenly realized that this was wholly new. She had always prided herself on how beautiful she was, and how eager men were to have her ... but this was different. This was not about her beauty, it was about her actions. 

“Tess”, he whispered. “That was ... thank you.” The awed look on his face alone was wonderful. 

“My pleasure, really.”

He went to get a damp cloth and cleaned her first, then himself. “Would you maybe want to cuddle a bit?”

“Sure.” 

Maybe, she thought, while they were sitting on the hearth rug, embracing one another, it was a good thing to have no bed suited for sex. That forced the male to stay awake.   
Or maybe it was not just that. Bofur was way more affectionate than any other man she had been with. 

“It has been some time since I last had the honour”, he mused. “I’m glad I don’t seem to have forgotten too much.”

Tess hummed in agreement. “Not that I would have noticed.”

“Aye. About that ... you asked a couple of times whether we had sex while you were passed out. I suppose I don’t really wanna know, but ... is that ... something men do?”

 

Tess frowned. “Why wouldn’t you want to know?”

“So ... it is done?”

He didn’t seem angry, just confused, so she shrugged. “I have woken up in a strange bed many a time. May not have been unconscious at the time, just too drunk to remember ... though I doubt the men in question would have minded much. Why?”

“How would you ...” He scratched his beard. “I mean ... how does that even work?”

“What? The sex? Quite easily.” Though she could now understand why he found it strange, he apparently expected a bit more of a woman than for her to just lie there.

“It wouldn’t make much sense to pleasure you while you were unconscious and unable to enjoy it, and you couldn’t have returned the favour, so ... “

“As I said, men aren’t really that creative.”

“Aye, I remember, you said that ...” Suddenly he went stiff within her arms. “You don’t really mean that ... that ...”

“That what?” She stroked his hair, soothingly as she hoped. Whatever had shocked him so, she didn’t like the look on his usually cheerful face. 

“That men tried to ... to father a child on you while you were ...”

“Oh, no, no, not at all. I assure you, getting me pregnant was far from their minds.” She cuddled him closer. “It’s just for fun, you know?”

“But how can you have fun while you’re passed out drunk?”

“True ... in that case it would be the man having all the fun.”

“That’s sick!” He blurted out, clasping a hand over his mouth immediately afterwards. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to say that!”, he added. 

“No worries.” She found his reaction to be strangely fascinating. “So ... you dwarves like children very much, I gather?”

“Oh, aye, of course. Doesn’t everyone?”

“Well, sort of, but ... you talk a lot about fathering children.”

“Do I? Aye, it is the ambition of almost every male to be deemed worthy to father a child someday, but it is not, by all means, likely. I suppose that with so many women, it is not like this for men, but ... it still is a honour, aye?”

“Um. To be honest, it is not exactly thought of as such ... more like a ... stain on a woman’s reputation if she doesn’t get married beforehand.”

“Really? That’s strange. Is it not rather a stain on a male’s reputation if a woman, after he fathered a child on her, considers him unworthy to raise the little one?” He rested his head on her shoulder. “One might consider it a wee bit stupid to not have seen a man’s worthlessness before, aye, though that shouldn’t stain anyone’s reputation. Risking one’s own self so that others may live, no matter how reckless, is honourable, after all.”

“We weren’t talking about battle”, Tess reminded him. 

“Aye. Though there are similarities. Why would I think less of a woman who risks her life to give birth to a child? What does it matter if she chose poorly? I would not think less of any warrior who puts their own life in danger to protect someone unworthy. It is unwise, aye, but it is brave. Always have had a soft spot for bravery, me.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have mentioned sooner, but I guess you noticed already ... I made some changes besides the Everyone Lives AU. My dwarves have good manners (because really, why wouldn't they?) and did actually behave in Rivendell, even though they might have been a bit grumpy. (Because Sacred Hospitality is a big thing in more or less all cultures where there aren't inns everywhere, and burning Elrond's furniture was ... well ... very improper.)

From then on, Tess visited every time she had the day off. It was, she told herself, mere convenience. With Bofur, she didn’t have to worry about diseases, or waking up in a back alley, drenched with dirty water, or maybe most importantly, getting pregnant.   
Instead, she’d drink a cup of tea and have a nice chat with Gerrun or one of the dwarves, then go to Bofur’s room, have very pleasant sex, and then walk out again, well-fed on cookies and pies, and be home before nightfall.   
Very convenient. 

One time, while walking towards the mountain, she found a pebble that glinted in the sun. Tess picked it up and put it in her apron pocket. When she asked Bofur whether it was gold, he shook his head, and explained that it was a fine specimen of pyrite.   
He seemed to like it so much that she decided to give it to him as gift, and his obvious joy delighted her. Maybe she should give him something more often – he had such a nice smile. 

 

Not long after this incident, Tess heard a scream on her way to work. And then words. 

“You’re stealing our women!”

“No! Never did such a thing!” Bofur squeaked. She recognized his voice immediately. 

Tess started running. Dear, dear Bofur, come to visit her, and now this!

“Don’t lie! The townslut is running after you like a cat in heat.” A second voice. Shit. 

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Figured. Bofur probably didn’t even know the meaning of the word “slut”. In some ways, he was so adorably innocent. 

The men didn’t notice her. They weren’t armed, just big and nasty.  
Tess took the knife she always carried out of her boot, and sneaked closer, until she could slip her hand between the legs of the man who was holding Bofur pressed to a wall.

“Let’s see if that dick of your’s is really that impressive ... “ The one she stood behind snarled. 

“Don’t move”, Tess said coolly, moving the knife so that he would feel it. “The cold steel you feel under your tunic is a gelding knife. My parents are farmers, you know? I’ve gelded many swine, and one more won’t make a difference for me. Let him go. Now.” 

 

Once released, Bofur made no attempt to leave. Tess sighed and turned to the other man. “You there, walk away. I’ll let your friend go when you’re far enough away. And don’t try to trick me!”

When the men had left, she took a good look at Bofur. He seemed well, except for a very pale face. “Did they hurt you?”

“No. Thank you, you really shouldn’t have.” He readjusted his hat, in a way she had learnt to mean that he was embarrassed. 

“Ashamed of having to be saved by a woman?” She guessed. 

“Aye, I suppose I ought to be. Causing a woman to get in such danger, to save my own sorry ass, um, self, I mean.” He grinned apologetically. “Truth be told, I’m just glad to be alive. You sure showed them.” 

“That I did. What are you doing here?” Not that she wasn’t happy to see him. But she should have known he would get in trouble. Of course the men of Laketown weren’t too happy with having “their” women “stolen”. 

“Well, you mentioned you’d buy me a drink if I ever visited ... and I happen to be thirsty.” He shuffled his feet. “And also, I found this. Thought you might like it.” He rummaged in his pocket, then held out his palm to her. On it was a tiny splinter of ... crystal?”

“What is this?”

“Amethyst. Not very valuable, just pretty. Found it at the wayside, and thought ...”

She took it. “It is really very pretty.”

He beamed. “Glad you like it. Now, about that drink ...”

She kept him close to her the whole night, and he emptied one mug of ale after another, not seeming to get drunk at all. 

After work, she told Bofur to follow her. “We are going to make a visit.”

“At this time? Isn’t everyone asleep?”

“They probably are, but there is someone who will wake up very soon.”

After a time, Bofur noticed where they were going. “You want to visit Bard?”

“Exactly.This can’t go on. Your life has been threatened twice now. Bard is the most influential man who is also reasonable.”

“Aye, but ... just don’t wake the children, aye?”

They were lucky, Bard was up, and opened the door after a very gentle, polite knock. 

“You are late”, he announced. 

“I didn’t know we had an appointment”, Tess replied. 

“True. Nevertheless, I would have expected you to show up yesterday evening.” He yawned. “I have been hearing complaints about dwarves seducing Laketown women for quite some time, but this was the first time it turned violent.”

Tess stared at him. “You know?”

“They came here to complain. Something about Bofur here placing a spell on you.” He smiled. “I happen to know that dwarves have no magic, so that is most likely wishful thinking.”

“They attacked him! Would have done Eru knows what to him, if I hadn’t been there!”

“Please tell me what happened.”

Bofur told how the men had caught him unaware, and just started to threaten him when Tess came to his rescue. 

Tess then had to tell everything again, how she had seen it, and Bard nodded. “I will bring it up with the town council. They will agree that this nonsense must stop, or it will hurt our trade relationship.”

“What did you tell the men?”

“I explained to them, patiently, the ancient dwarven magic of using soap once in a while, and of good manners.” Bard grinned. “I fear they won’t want to imitate such mysterious rituals, but I tried.”


	8. Chapter 8

When Tess next came to visit Bofur, she was greeted by Gerrun, who wanted to know all about the incident. 

“Thank you for saving Bofur”, she said. “He’s a bit reckless, going to the town without any weapon.”

“He should be safe there”, Tess argued. 

“Should, but isn’t. I do hope it will change. Strange, there wasn’t nearly as much of a hassle when I married Fíli ...”

“That’s because you were off the market, so to speak, anyway”, Tess pointed out. “The men don’t like it that I’m not up for a tumble in the hay nearly as often now.” Or at all, actually.

“Hm.” Gerrun took a sip of tea. “Maybe.” She looked at the crib beside the table, took her daughter out, and shoved her dress out of the way in order to nurse the baby. 

That reminded Tess. She had bought a present on the market. Nothing special, and Gerrun probably had one already. 

She searched through the upper pocket of her apron. “That’s not it ... there!”

When she took out the root, the amethyst pebble Bofur had given her fell out. “Damn. Sorry. Here, this is for Runís. For the teething.” She shoved her chair - a human-sized wooden chair – backwards and crawled under the table. 

“What are you looking for?”, Gerrun asked. 

“Um. Just ... ah, there it is.”

She stood up, and placed the amethyst pebble carefully on the table. “Bofur says it’s amethyst. Anyway, it is pretty.”

“And he gave it to you?”

“Yes. Thought I might like it.” She took a sip of tea to calm her nerves. 

“So, the two of you are courting?”

Very nearly she would have spit out the tea again. “What?”

“I see. Maybe you should know that he is courting you.”

“Impossible.” He had never suggested anything of the sort. Bofur had complimented her, yes, and been very polite, but he had never ever mentioned love, let alone marriage. 

“He gave you something just valuable enough to be a proper gift, and not as valuable as to make it rude to not give anything in return. Stones are for dwarves what flowers are to us. He is courting you. The question is, do you want to court him?”

Tess’ heart beat faster. Her hands were already sweaty. “It’s not like this. He just said he found it somewhere, didn’t really make a big fuss about it. He is not courting me.”

“It is customary to pretend that it is not a big thing. Enables everyone to save face if the affection is not returned. If you want him, you should give him something in return, if not, then not.”

Tess nodded. Could it be? Bofur was very affectionate, but ... “Are you really sure?”

“You would have to ask him to be sure.”

 

So she did. 

Bofur looked intently at his feet, rearranging his hat over and over. “Aye”, he finally said. “I thought ...”

If she had had doubts, his adorable shyness would have convinced her. “I accept.”

“What?” His eyes went wide. “No, no, you cannot just ... there are lots of other males to choose from. You wouldn’t want to ...”

Tess bit her lip. She should have known. “I thought you like me?”

“Aye, I do! A lot! That’s why ... you can’t just take the first one you’re offered! There’s prince Kíli ... no not him, he has no manners. What about Ori? His manners are impeccable.”

“Is it ... normal for dwarves to ...” Tess frowned. “Gerrun wasn’t courted by anyone else than Fíli ...”

“Aye. Dís was a bit upset about Kíli’s lack of effort in that regard. But back then, we still thought Gerrun could have her pick from all the men of Laketown, you know? We didn’t know that ... well ... what you told me about men ... I don’t think it’s really a choice.”

The men of Laketown clearly had not made the best impression lately. “I see. So, your culture requires that? I can go talk to Ori, I suppose.” He was nice enough. She wouldn’t mind spending more time with him if that was what she needed for Bofur to be reassured that she had a choice. 

“You should. After all, you can’t just take me because I was the one stupid enough to get himself almost drowned.”

She laughed. “I guess I can’t.” But she could take him because he was cute and made her laugh. 

Tess found Ori in the entrance hall, which was used as a kind of sitting room, where he was busy writing. 

“Hello Ori. Um. Bofur told me that it is ... customary for dwarf women to choose from at least two suitors?”

“Oh yes.” He smiled at her. “Got to have a choice, after all. Not that it is strictly required, but in cases where someone lives a very isolated life, it is considered polite to introduce her to some other potential suitors. Why?”

“Um. Apparently he is courting me and he ... sort of suggested I take a good look at you, just in case ...”

Ori shook his head. “That wouldn’t do. I’m no competition for Bofur. I know I’m not very impressive. No, what you should do is get aquainted with Dwalin.”

“Dwalin ... I don’t think I met him.”

“He’s the one over there.” Ori gestured to the far end of the hall, where a grim-looking dwarf was busy sharpening his weapons. “He’s a strong and skilled warrior. Very loyal, too. Honourable to a fault. The most worthy dwarf to be found here.”

Tess could not disagree about Dwalin being a great warrior – he certainly looked the part – but he was not really her type. He didn’t look as if there was much fun to be had with him. “Um. He’s rather intimidating, isn’t he?” She’d rather be courted by Ori, if there had to be someone other than Bofur. 

Ori frowned in concentration. “I would not say that. Awe-inspiring, maybe? Stately? He is closer to you in height than anyone else here.”

Good arguments. “How much courting would have to take place before it is considered that I really have a choice?”

“Once you know him and he knows you, that can be considered as settled, I think.” Ori chewed the end of his dip pen. “You will like him. He does look a bit terrifying, but he’s very kind and gentle, really ...”

“If you say so.” Apparently she wouldn’t get Ori to court her, and she wanted to get this over with as fast as possible. Dwalin was intimidating, but she was pretty sure he wouldn’t harm her, and the faster she got this done, the earlier she could go on courting Bofur. 

So she strode over to the other end of the hall and cleared her throat. “Excuse me?”

Dwalin looked up. “Aye?” His voice was rumbling, like rocks, or a thunderstorm. No, really, she much preferred Bofur. 

“If I may introduce myself ... I’m Tess. As you probably know, Bofur is courting me.”

“Dwalin. I wasn’t aware, no.”

At least he didn’t send her away. “Well, he told me I can’t just decide in his favour without having, so to speak, other options, and he suggested I get better aquainted with Ori.”

“Aye?”

“Ori thinks he is not impressive enough to be serious competition, and sent me to you. So. I have no idea how this is supposed to work. Maybe we could talk a bit?”

To her surprise, Dwalin smiled. “Ori suggested me?”

“Yes. He told me you are the worthiest dwarf I could find here.” Hopefully the compliment would thaw him some more. 

“I am honoured.” He set aside the axe he had been working on. “Yet I am not one of those you can choose from.”

She sighed. “It’s not as if there is any danger ... I really like Bofur. He insisted, you know?”

Dwalin nodded. “Still. There needs to be a real choice. And I am ...” He fell silent. 

“Already married?”, she guessed. That would have been quite nasty of Ori. 

“Nah, lass. I am ... word translates to “happy humble one” ... what it means is that I like males.”

“Oh!” She had heard a fair share of jokes and rumours, and less flattering names for men who preferred other men. Or boys. “Why is it called that?”

“Humble because I won’t set my eyes on a woman, and happy because everyone thinks finding a male lover is easy.” He snorted. “As if. There are few who would even want me, and fewer yet whom I want.”

“So that won’t do then?”

“Nah. Everyone knows I’m not eligible.”

She sighed. “Thank you nevertheless. I’ll go and explain to Ori. He’s nice, and if I am to prove that I don’t choose Bofur out of sheer desperation, he will do.”

“Aye. You might change your mind if you get to know Ori better, though. He is competition for Bofur, regardless of what he might think.”

 

Ori seemed a bit surprised when she returned. “How did it go?”

“Bad.” Tess sat down. “He told me he’s a ... what did he say ... happy, humble one. If you know what I mean.”

“Oh.” To her surprise, Ori blushed. “He ... told you that?”

“He didn’t tell me the word, just the translation. It’s not a rude word, is it?” She would be at Dwalin’s throat if it was, battleaxes be damned! 

“Not really. Rather ... antiquated. I’m surprised he knows it.”

“You do.”

“I’m a scribe. It is my profession to know words. I ... did not know this one was still in use.” Ori’s gaze wandered to Dwalin. 

“What is the new word, then?”

“There is none. I ... I wasn’t aware ... from what I gathered ... that kind of ... attraction is not approved of.” Ori bit the end of his dip pen so hard she heard the wood splinter. 

“Among dwarves?”

“Yes. Why does that surprise you so?”

“Well.” She could not say aloud that in her view, they were rather ... loose in their morals. “Dwalin didn’t seem to mind at all about telling me.”

Ori nodded. “Maybe I need to find out more ... customs change, and I just assumed ... would you be so kind and ask someone ... maybe Bofur, about this? People forgive you for asking strange questions.”

“Deal. If you court me. Or just spend enough time with me so that Bofur has to acknowledge I don’t choose him merely for lack of other options.”

“I can do that. Spending time with you. I would prefer not to court.”

“Alright.”


	9. Chapter 9

She found Bofur outside, sitting in the sun, smoking a pipe. Tess quietly sat down next to him. 

“How did it go?” He asked, taking the pipe out of his mouth. 

“Ori is nice. Though he did recommend Dwalin in his stead.”

Bofur laughed. “The lad is fond of me, and would like me to be chosen.”

“He seems to think that Dwalin would be dangerous competition for you.”

“Nah. Everyone knows that Dwalin is ... how do you say?”

“Not interested in women?”

“Aye, that.”

“I have been wondering ... this is accepted among dwarves?”

Bofur blew a smoke ring and took the pipe in his hand again. “’Course. It is the Maker’s wish that a woman should have more than one suitor to choose from, but those who are not chosen still wish for a mate. It is convenient that there are those who would rather court a male than compete for a woman.” He frowned. “Different with your people, I know. Hope you aren’t offended?”

“No. I was just wondering. Dwalin didn’t seem to mind telling me at all.”

“He rarely talks to men. Me, I heard the unkind words men say about one who doesn’t wish for a female lover, but for a male one. Rather puzzling, if you ask me, considering how much they hate me just because you prefer me.” Bofur frowned. “And I have no idea at all what they would say to a woman who takes a female lover.”

“That sort of thing doesn’t ... doesn’t really happen?” She was not sure. She had never heard of it. “It does among dwarves?”

“Aye.”

“But, with dwarf women being so rare ...”

“Well, it is not as if there are fewer of them just because two are a couple. And some of those couples are still generous enough to bear children, so we can hardly complain, can we?”

“Um. How does this work, then?”

“With lots of discretion and good manners. They obviously don’t lie with men, so you’d have to ... how would you call it? Carry the water to the garden in a bucket instead of waiting for rain? If you know what I mean?”

She had to think a while. “Oh. That works?” 

“Rarely, but aye, apparently it does sometimes. Not an expert myself, obviously.”

Tess was silent for a while, and Bofur blew smoke rings. 

“Dwalin seems rather lonely”, she finally said. “He complained a bit. That it’s not as easy finding a male mate as everyone claims it is.”

“I hadn’t thought about that ...” Bofur fell silent. “Never thought about it, really. Just assumed he must be choosy, him being such a fine warrior and all. Come to think about it, I don’t know of anyone else who mentioned ... rarely comes up in conversation ...”

“How do young dwarves even know there is such a thing, then?”

“Well. They notice? I mean, if it concerns them ...”

“How do they know it is accepted?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? Harms no one, after all.”

“I don’t know why it is not accepted among men”, Tess said carefully. “But it is most decidedly not. A young impressionable dwarf who spends a lot of time with men could come to the conclusion ...”

“Aye. Dís often complains that Kíli learnt too much from men.”

“Ori is also very young, isn’t he? It is hard to judge for me, but ...”

“Ori? Aye, he was born after ...” Bofur wrinkled his face and put the pipe in his mouth once again. “Well, Ori reads a lot. I bet he knows about customs even I am too young to remember.”

“He seems rather well-read, yes. Of course, knowledge gained from stories and books is different from knowledge that comes from experience.” She rose. “I’ll ask him some more questions.”

“You do that.” Bofur waved her goodbye, though she thought his smile was a bit melancholic. Did he really believe there was a real chance she would fall for Ori? Then why had he suggested it? Was this a politeness thing, or something more important, like ... honour?

She found the young scribe where she had left him. He was copying a text in the dwarves’ own kind of writing. 

“Oh, I didn’t notice you!”, he said after a while. “Have you talked to someone?” He blushed, apparently embarrassed about his curiousity. 

“I have. Funny thing. Bofur told me everyone knows about Dwalin’s preferences.”

Ori’s eyes went big, and he blushed again. “I didn’t.”

Now that she had been told about Dwalin, she thought she recognized the symptoms. “You admire him very much, do you?”

“Dwalin? Oh yes ... “ Ori smiled. “Everyone does!” he added hastedly. 

“Would you have courted him if you knew about it?”

“What?” he whispered. “Me? He would never ...”

She shrugged. “He seems to think you are serious competition for Bofur. So I would think ...”

“He said that?”

“Yes. And he was flattered that you consider him the worthiest dwarf here.”

“You told him that?” Ori squeaked. 

“I didn’t know it was a secret. Nevertheless, he seemed pleased.”

“Oh dear. Maker, I beg you, make the earth swallow me” Ori mumbled, but it had not the desired effect, which Tess was quite glad about. 

“I don’t see why it would be a problem. Apparently, courting is not a big deal, if Bofur suggests I court another, so ...”

“Everyone knows he is just being polite. Trying to offer you a choice. I am not courting. If I were to ... oh, I don’t even want to think about it!” 

Tess smiled. “Oh, come on. You denied that he’s intimidating when you recommended him to me. He won’t rip your head off if you try something, will he?”

“No ... he could ... glare at me. Or ... just ignore me!”

“What are you, a coward?” She raised her eyebrows. 

“No!” Ori rose from his seat. “No, I am not. I just don’t want to inconvenience him!”

“Shouldn’t he know about his options? Just like me?”

“He’s not a woman ...” Ori started, then interrupted himself. “Just as precious”, he mumbled. “Alright. I will court him, and if it is only to prove to you that I am no coward!”

“Good. Bofur says you know more about customs than anyone else so ... can you help me court him?”

“Sure.” Ori diligently cleaned his dip pen, packed up his writing things and led her outside. “You just give him something about as big and valuable as he gave you.”

“He gave me this.” She showed him the tiny pebble. “What would be appropriate?”

Ori looked at it, squinting his eyes. “Oh! I didn’t know you have been courting for that long. You may have to go for size, then.”

“We haven’t been ... it started, apparently, when I gave him a piece of ... pyrite, I think, he said it was.” He must have misunderstood it. Just as well. 

“Oh! How awkward! You didn’t know the meaning, then?”

“No. What ... is the meaning, exactly?”

Ori shrugged. “Well, it is not a bad thing. It is just ... pyrite is quite beautiful, so I wouldn’t go for it as a first courting gift. You skipped some of the usual steps, so to speak. Maybe you want to slow things down a bit?”

“It doesn’t matter, I like him very much, and ... well, I want to continue this. See where it leads.” If it really led to marriage, all the better. She didn’t really believe it could, but having Bofur around all the time would be ... nice. 

“Alright then. Let’s look for something appropriate.” 

In the mountain’s surroundings, there were enough stones, but not many of them were pretty. Which, it seemed, was quite important. Not just any old stone would do, Ori explained. It needed to be an exceptional one. 

“You want to show, after all, that you put effort into this.”

He sure did put a lot of effort in finding the pebble he wanted to give to Dwalin. 

Tess found a stone that was rather big, compared to the one Bofur had given her, but had an extraordinary pattern. She showed it to Ori, and he nodded his approval. 

“The stones don’t have hidden meanings, do they?” She knew about flower language, but had never put much effort into learning it. 

“No, that would lead to misunderstandings. It just needs to be extraordinary in some way. Beauty, of course, is in the eye of the beholder, but it is rather intuitive.” He frowned. “For you, really, any old stone would do, I’m sure. Bofur will hardly complain, as long as your intentions are clear.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle. “Dwalin is more choosy, then?”

“Why, he would never mention it, of course ...” Ori shook his head. “No, wouldn’t say anything, but he isn’t interested, you see, so I have to put extra effort into this. Maybe giving him something extraordinary will pique his interest ...” He wrung his hands. “I just hope he won’t hold it against me that I tried.”

“You didn’t try yet”, Tess reminded him. “You are thinking too much.” She knew the condition, and usually treated it with ale or stronger drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure if the numbers add up, but let's just assume that, in this AU, Ori is one of the youngsters whose lives have been disrupted by the dragon attack.


	10. Chapter 10

When Ori had found just the right pebble, a very tiny one, that didn’t seem very valuable, the sun was already setting. 

Tess cursed under her breath. 

“Are you alright?” Ori asked immediately. Of course he had heard. 

“Yes. It’s just that it’s getting dark, and I had planned to be home before nightfall.”

“Oh! You can stay. Just ask Dís for a room.”

The dwarves’ generous hospitality baffled her every time. One had, of course, an obligation to offer a roof and a meal to weary travelers, but in Laketown, there were inns for that purpose, and Tess was not, strictly speaking, a traveler. 

Even so, she did not doubt that Ori was right and Gerrun would offer her the tiny bed again. 

When they walked into the hall, it was rather full, several dwarves sitting around the fireplace, in which a tiny fire burnt, apparently only for the purpose of roasting meat. 

Dwalin sat in some distance from the others, this time not sharpening his weapons, but, it seemed, rather intently listening to King Thorin playing the harp. 

Ori waited until Thorin paused before he made his move. Then, he straightened his shoulders, threw his hair back, and walked towards Dwalin like a warrior into a battle he knew he’d die in. 

Tess watched, her lips twitching with the effort to suppress a smile. 

Her smile faded, and she wanted to cover her eyes when Ori lost all his poise and stared at his feet while holding out his palm with the pebble on it. 

She couldn’t hear everything he said, but he clearly did everything to downplay the effort he had made in selecting the stone, and generally making a mess of everything. 

What had she talked him into? She should have known better than to shove him into a situation he was clearly unable to cope with. 

Dwalin did take the pebble – of course he would, it was common politeness, after all – and said nothing, just looked at the stone in his hand. 

 

Ori wandered back to her, shoulders hanging. “Well, I did try. I’m not a coward.”

“You were very brave. He didn’t reject you, did he?” 

“Not yet, strictly speaking. Finding a return gift takes time. Up to a month is still considered proper”, Ori explained, falling back into his role as scholar. “He didn’t seem very impressed, anyway.” 

To her surprise, she saw Dwalin get up and walk towards them. As Ori sat with his back to him, Tess hissed “He’s coming.”

Ori turned around, but said nothing when Dwalin approached. The warrior gestured for Ori to extend his hand, placed something on his palm, and closed Ori’s fingers around it, before he walked back to his corner. 

Without any word at all. 

Ori’s lip trembled, and his eyes shone with tears. 

“What does this mean?” Tess tried to distract him. 

“Giving a courting gift back is the ultimate insult. It ...” Ori swallowed. “It is almost unheard of. I have only ever read about that in the context of inappropriate courting ... he thinks me so unworthy I shouldn’t have even tried.”

“He did accept it before.”

“Because he had no time to think about it! I offended him!” 

“Calm down. I am sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, and it is not as bad as you think it is.” She was grateful for the music that drowned out their talk, but Ori looked as if he’d break out in tears every moment. “Let’s go somewhere else, shall we? You have a room?”

He nodded, and let her lead him out of the hall. 

“So, where’s your room?”

Ori walked through the corridors, and she followed him. The room looked much like those she had already seen, except this one was decorated not with embroidery but with bookshelves. 

“Now, let’s sort this out. Open your hand, you’ll get a cramp in it.” She turned his hand, and opened his fingers, while he just stood there, tears streaming over his face now. 

“Wait ...” She took the pebble and examined it. “That is not the one you gave him.” It was white, with a bit of pink. Ori’s had been black. 

Ori wiped his eyes with his sleeve and looked at the pebble. “It isn’t ...” He stared. “The one I gave him was black marble, wasn’t it?”

“I don’t know what kind of stone it was, but it was black. Definitely. And a bit smaller than this one.”

“So ... he ... but that’s impossible!”

“He accepts?”

“If ... if this is really ... but it can’t be, he would have to had ... and he didn’t say anything, and ...”

“I told you so.” Tess grinned. “Now, if you would excuse me, I still have to give Bofur something.”

When she returned to the hall, Dwalin and Bofur were sitting at the same table. Which made this all a bit awkward. 

Tess wouldn’t let that stop her, though. She walked over to them. 

“Bofur?”

“Aye?” He smiled. 

“I want to give you this.”

She handed him the stone Ori had helped her find. 

“Oh. This is ...” He grinned as he turned the stone around in his hand. “You’re still into me, then?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You left with Ori”, came Dwalin’s rumbling voice from across the table. 

“Oh, so you can talk?” She replied sharply. “I wonder why you didn’t say something to Ori, then. He was quite upset.”

“Upset?”

She probably shouldn’t have said that. It was his business, after all, and no one else’s. “He thought you had given him his gift back. Which, he informed me, is considered quite rude.”

Dwalin’s eyes went wide with shock. “How could I?”

“You tell me.”

“He doesn’t believe it anymore? So that’s settled then?” Bofur interrupted what could have become a fight. 

“He took a look at it just now”, Tess explained. “But it was inconsiderate, closing his hand over it, so he couldn’t see.”

“’Tis private”, Dwalin growled. “I’m not as brave as him, alright?” He rubbed his neck. “Wouldn’t want to witness his reaction, in public, no less.”

Tess almost chuckled. Almost. To think that this intimidating warrior was shy! “You could have waited until later. Where did you get a stone so fast, anyway?”

“That’s none of your business!” Dwalin huffed, stood up and left. 

Bofur chuckled. “Who would’ve thought.”

“He has a crush on Ori, hasn’t he?”

“Aye, so it appears. Has been carrying that stone with him for quite some time, I’d guess.” He bowed over to her, and his breath tickled her ear when he continued, in a whisper “What kind of stone?”

Tess described in as much detail as she remembered, and Bofur laughed. “Oh, Maker, the poor guy!”

“Why?”

“That kind of stone I have seen on our journey here. More than a year ago, that was. To think he’s been nursing a crush on Ori ever since!”

“So ... he couldn’t have just ... given Ori a stone he had intended for someone else?”

Bofur shook his head. “Don’t think so. That’d be very ... how do you say ... pragmatic, and Dwalin is a stickler for traditions. He’d have thrown it into a creek. Or destroyed it.”

“Would that have a symbolic meaning?”

“Aye, sort of. It’s really simple, though. If you’re rejected, you throw it in water. If it turns out the one you courted is unworthy, you destroy it. “

“Destroy it? But ... that is so wasteful! The one you gave me ... that’s a gem!”

Bofur smiled. “Nah, not really ... though you’re right, once you arrive at the stage where you give sapphires and rubies, you’d better be real sure.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t thought it could get there. “You do know that I have no way of acquiring something so valuable, do you?”

“’Course. I’m not rich myself. The amethyst was just a lucky find, and your gift called for something equally nice. I won’t give you something you couldn’t afford yourself.” He grinned. “And you can switch to flowers, if you’re more comfortable with that.”

Well, that was a relief.


	11. Chapter 11

When Tess left the next morning, Ori waved at her from his place at the mountainside, where he apparently had started to look for a courting gift as soon as the sun rose. 

 

Life in Laketown grew more uncomfortable by the day. Oh, no one really threatened her – the people seemed to remember that messing with the King Under the Mountain was a bad idea, so her relationship with a dwarf protected her – but there was talk. There were glares. But worst of all were the speculations about just what had drawn her to Bofur, and his cheery personality was not mentioned once. 

 

When autumn approached and the days became shorter, Bofur’s occasional visits had become regular ones, and pebbles had become rocks as big as Tess’ fist. 

Ori smiled at her when she weighed one such stone in her hand. “You should propose before you can’t carry them anymore.”

“Propose?”

“Propose marriage, yes. Gerrun told me you’d wait for him to do it, but, you see, he won’t do that.”

“He won’t?”

“Oh, no. It is for you to decide whether he is worthy, after all.”

Tess chuckled. “Worthy! I’m nothing special!”

“You can bear children”, Ori explained patiently. “And if you marry Bofur, all the children you bear will be raised by him. It is not a decision to be made lightly.”

Children. The thought hadn’t crossed her mind for a long time. Getting pregnant had been something to avoid, not something to be desired. If she was married, though ... “Bofur is good with children.” He absolutely adored little Runís. 

“He will be honoured that you think so.”

 

And honoured, indeed, he was. He even took off his hat, to clench it in his hands. “Are you sure? I’m nothing special ...”

“Neither am I”, Tess replied with a smile. 

“Oh, you are! Very special, that is. You obviously think me special, because men are just ... well ... but ...”

If she didn’t do something, he would get lost in his own words. “Do you want to marry me? Yes or no.”

“Yes! ‘Course I want! No one in his right mind wouldn’t!” 

“Then that is settled.”

“Aye ...” He gazed up at her, readjusting his head so he could better see her. 

The blissful smile on his face alone was a good reason to marry him, so she could see it every day.

“We will have to figure out some things. Where to live, and whether I should keep my work in Laketown. You said you aren’t that well off ...”

“Oh, aye ... you are very good at what you do. What about you open a tavern here?”

“Here?”

“The mountain is a lot bigger than what you have seen! Of course most of it isn’t useable yet, but with time ... people will return, and they won’t want to go for Laketown every time they want a drink.” He grinned happily. “And there will be none of that rudeness and unasked-for touching like where you work now.”

“I should like that.” Tess grinned. “So ... when is the wedding to take place?”

“You name the day.”


End file.
